Sunday, July 20, 2014

A Newspaper Hoax That Fooled the Nation

Popular Young Couple Married This Week
 The groom is a popular young bum who hasn't done a lick of work since he got shipped in the middle of his junior year at college. He manages to dress well and to keep a supply of spending money because his dad is a soft-hearted old fool who takes up his bad checks instead of letting him go to jail where he belongs.
 The bride is a skinny, fast little idiot who has been kissed and handled by every boy in town since she was twelve years old. She paints like a Sioux Indian, sucks cigarettes in secret, and drinks mean corn-liquor when she is out joy-riding in her dad's car at night. She doesn't know how to cook, sew or keep house.
 The groom wore a rented dinner suit over athletic underwear of imitation silk. His pants were held up by pale green suspenders. His number eight patent-leather shoes matched his state in tightness and harmonized nicely with the axle-grease polish of his hair. In addition to his jag he carried a pocket-knife, a bunch of keys, a dun for the ring and his usual look of imbecility.
 The bride wore some kind of white thing that left most of her legs sticking out at one end and her bony upper end sticking out at the other.
 The young people will make their home with the bride's parents, which means they will sponge on the old man until he dies and then she will take in washing. The happy couple anticipate a great event in about five months.
 Postscript.- This may be the last issue of The Tribune, but my life ambition has been to write up one wedding and tell the unvarnished truth. Now that it is done, death can have no sting.
 (By Robert E. Quillen in the Fountain Inn, S. C., Tribune)

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