THE ONE-HOSS SHAY; OR, THE DEACON'S MASTERPIECE: A LOGICAL STORY

Have you heard of the wonderful one-hoss shay,

That was built in such a logical way

It ran a hundred years to a day,

And then of a sudden, it---ah, but stay,

I'll tell you what happened without delay,

Scaring the parson into fits,

Frightening people out of their wits,

Have you ever heard of that, I say?

Seventeen hundred and fifty-five,

Georgius Secundus was then alive­

Snuffy old drone from the German hive.

That was the year when Lisbon town

Saw the earth open and gulp her down,

And Braddock's army was done so brown,

Left without a scalp to its crown.

It was on the terrible Earthquake-day

That the Deacon finished the one-hoss shay.

Now in building of chaises,

I tell you what,

There is always somewhere a weakest spot­

In hub, tire, felloe, in spring or thill,

In panel, or crossbar, or floor, or sill,

In screw, bolt, thoroughbrace- lurking still,

Find it somewhere you must and will­

Above or below, or within or without­

And that's the reason, beyond a doubt,

A chaise breaks down, but doesn't wear out.

But the Deacon swore (as Deacons do,

 With an "I dew vum," or an "I tell yeou,")

He would build one shay to beat the taown

 'n' the keounty 'n' all the kentry raoun';

 -"Fur," said the Deacon, "'t's mighty plain

Thut the weakes' place mus' stan' the strain;

'n' the way t' fix it, uz I maintain,

Is only jest

T' make that place uz strong uz the rest."

So the Deacon inquired of the village folk

Where he could find the strongest oak,

That couldn't be split nor bent nor broke­

That was for spokes and floor and sills;

He sent for lancewood to make the thills;

The crossbars were ash, from the straightest trees;

The panels of whitewood, that cuts like cheese,

But lasts like iron for things like these;

The hubs of logs from the "Settler's ellum,"­

Last of its timber-they couldn't sell' em,

Never an axe had seen their chips,

And the wedges flew from between their lips,

 Their blunt ends frizzled like celery-tips;

Step and prop-iron, bolt and screw,

Spring, tire, axle and linchpin, too,

Steel of the finest, bright and blue;

Thoroughbrace bison-skin, thick and wide;

Boot, top, dasher, from tough old hide

Found in the pit when the tanner died.

That was the way he "put her through."

"There!" said the Deacon, "naow she'll dew!"

Do! I tell you, I rather guess

She was a wonder, and nothing less!

Colts grew horses, beards turned gray,

Deacon and deaconness dropped away,

Children and grandchildren,-where were they?

But there stood the stout old one-hoss shay

As fresh as on Lisbon-earthquake day!

Eighteen hundred; it came and found

The Deacon's masterpiece strong and sound.

Eighteen hundred increased by ten;

­"Hahnsum kerridge" they called it then.

Eighteen hundred and twenty came;

­Running as usual; much the same.

Thirty and forty at last arrive,

And then come fifty, and fifty-five.

Little of all we value here

Wakes on the morn of its hundredth year

 Without both feeling and looking queer.

In fact, there's nothing that keeps its youth,

So far as I know, but a tree and truth.

(This is a moral that runs at large;

Take it. You're welcome. No extra charge.)

First of November-the Earthquake day­

There are traces of age in the one-hoss shay,